Thursday, October 20

N3w FuXb0x 5h1t!

    Well, The amount of bullshit that Microsoft releases for the Xbox system is amazing... However, the amount of GOOD games they come out with is laughable... I have purchased more than my fair share of really bad and really really bad games for the Xbox, however, recently I picked up a couple new games... After a brisk couple hours playing each, I decided it necessary for everyone to know whether or not it's worth buying the hype... I'll start with L.A. Rush...




The Basics: L.A. Rush is the next in the generation of the "Rush" series, with only San Francisco Rush, Rush: The Rock, and Rush: 2049 before it... This game features a completely open map based on the streets of Los Angeles, where you get to pick which path you will take... The cars are completely Pimpable by pseudo-popular car-mod show hosted by spelling bee champ Xzibit and West Coast Customs... The game has the potential to be the greatest racing game yet, even surpassing fan favorite Gran Turismo...

    The Facts: It Sucks!.. It sucks so bad, that it I'd rather watch a Vin Diesel movie instead of being pelted by the onslaught of garbage the game contstantly shoots at you... If it wasn't for the thousands of advertisements, boring ass story line, down syndrome voice acting and redundant "missions"; the game might have had a chance to give me a smile like the Rush games of old... What's with the whole in-game pimping anyways?.. The upgrades they give you are at best completely useless... However, I will have to say thank christ they don't force you to listen to rap the whole time...



1.5 Dawgs out of 5









Story: Guy goes to island... Guy gets shot at... Guy hides... Guy beats ass... This game shares the same title as the PC version with "Instincts" as the only real difference... Although, Given the Xbox hardware and the revolutionary look of this breakthrough game, the graphics had to be dumbed down a bit...

    What it is yo: Not too bad actually... The animal instincts bullshit is fun for the first 5 minutes... Punching an enemy and having him fly against a fence is kinda cool the first couple times, but then you realize that getting shot 3,000 times trying to do so isn't worth it... The graphics aren't too much different from the PC; but with that said, I'm not a little bitch that has to own the latest and greatest hardware for my computer trying to get every last frame per second out of it as possible with my mommy's checkbook... The AI also is way too aware of your presence no matter what the situation is, leaving any attempt at being stealth-like null and void...

3 Bananas out of 3.8









The Shizzle: YET another WW2 shooter where you take control of a sniper doing sniper things... Sneaking around, watching your target's patterns, hiding under debris, searching the rooftops for other snipers, moving slow and pissing yourself to remain relaxed... Ahh, the good life... The question is though, do gamers need ANOTHER fucking World War 2 based shooting game?

    The Answer: Not a fucking chance... If i wasn't so sick of all the other WW2 First Person Shooters out there, I may have given this one more of a fair chance... But if a new game in the genre doesn't set fire to my testicle hairs, I'm not gonna fuckin notice it... This game had some serious potential too... Taking part in sniper tactics is something left up to 14 year olds camping on the rooftops of Counterstrike... This was the game that would change all that, bringing stealth and strategy to normal people not still living with their parents... It's really unfortunate that this game will join the anonymous ranks of all the others in the genre...


68.96 bullets out of 98.46






    When will they put a decent game out that is actually worth it's $45+ pricetag? (with the exception of Halo 1 of course - shut the fuck up already fan boys)... More next week, once I get the smell of garbage out of my Xobx...


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